Honest Scrap.....hummmm?

So, my awesome friend Angie decided to nominate me for this. I had no idea what it even was, but apparently you just tell ten things about yourself. Well, I don't want to just say anything, so I have been thinking about this for a while.

First...I find myself to be really blessed. I feel like we have had a rough first years of marriage, but in the end I can't even complain, because I have the best husband and cutest boys ever!

Second....I love my friends! I am kind of picky on who I choose to be friends with. I am not one of those people who will just talk to anybody and act like a friend. If I am your friend, I am a real honest true friend that will do just about anything for you. I sometimes can be taken advantage of because of this, but I don't even care, because it is the friend I wanted to be.

Third....I am seriously scared for my kids futures. I think this world is scary, and I think it is just getting worse. I want to just keep my kids close and let nothing happen to them, but then I am not really being a good mom that way either...a double edge sword if you ask me.

Fourth....I miss my dad. I have been feeling a little guilty lately, because I have a hard time even thinking I actually had a dad. Seems like the memories I had of him could have been dreams? I hate the fact that my boys had such an awesome Papa, and they will never even know it, and that is about the only thing that makes me know my dad was really a good dad, and he was actually here at one point in time.

Fifth....I really don't like being pregnant. I think this is funny, because technically I am on my sixth pregnancy. I may not like this part of life, but I love love love the results of pregnancy. Who couldn't love a sweet baby? (or a horrible one, that will eventually turn sweet..he he)

Sixth....I really really really hate the fact that all the crack whores in the world can have kids, or get pregnant and abort the sweet little embryos, and then other really great people can't have kids at all. This is a really sad and hard thing for me. My heart seriously hurts for all these couples. I also hate that insurance companies won't even help these couples at least find out why?

Seventh....I have some weird phobias. I don't like balloons, or the thought of them popping actually. I can't reach my hand in places I can't see. I hate clowns! I hate the feeling of being stuck or in a situation I feel I have absolutely no control at all of. I can feel a little claustrophobic in weird situations. All these give me anxiety and are really unpleasant.

Eighth....I find being a mom the hardest, but most wonderful thing I can ever imagine. I never knew how hard it was to actually be a mom, but there is far more involved than I ever knew. In turn I think because it is so hard, it seems like such a pay off when something goes right.

Ninth....I never thought I would become one of those frumpy moms, but here I am! HA HA It isn't that I want to be frumpy, but I have a hard time with why I need to look nice to just do dirty laundry, dishes, floors, sheets, carpets, and changing poopy diapers etc, all day long.

Tenth....I can't wait to find some of me again. In the almost nine years we have been married, I have been pregnant roughly half of them. If not pregnant, I have had a newborn or toddler before it all started again. Over time I have lost parts of me. Many people may judge me on this because I have obviously gained weight. I don't need anybody to tell me, believe me I know, and it isn't something I am proud of either. I can say until you have been in my shoes....please don't judge. It is hard to find me in a body that doesn't feel like me at all. My abs are so separated that my intestines can get stuck in there, and cause a lot of discomfort and pain. My stomach is so stretched it is indescribable. I haven't had any real me time for a long time. When I have an awesome husband working long hard hours to keep me home with our sweet boys, I don't have much me time to work on anything. Would I change any of it? HELL NO! I know my life isn't what everybody wants for themselves, but I can honestly say I am a happy proud mom of almost five kids!

Wow! That could be too much but for now I am leaving it, because my dryer just finished, and I have no more time. I don't know many people in the blog world, so I am asking Becca Vala, Jessi Carsellers, Jessica Grose, and Allison Loosli to all do this.....IF you don't wanna....don't. Those are about the only blogs I follow...ha ha Love you all!